Friday, September 23, 2011

“Beware of cookies bearing fortunes”

Can I just say how disappointed I am by the lame fortune cookies out on the market.

Wouldn’t you love to crack open a cookie and get a crazy fortune?

As writers of the world I think we should band together to write some creative fortunes. I will start us off :)

You were right to be paranoid. There is a conspiracy.

Congratulations! You are pregnant.

Fold up this paper and back away slowly. They are watching you.

I hope you didn’t eat the sweet and sour. The chef lost his band-aid in the sauce.

I that your car being towed?

Sell all your stock! A crash is coming.

If you are looking for advice from a cookie, I fear for your sanity.

That wasn’t chicken.

Sorry to break it to you, but you are past your prime.

I will admit I saw a great one online recently: “Help! I’m being held prisoner at a Chinese bakery!” LOL!

Okay—give me your best fortune :)



E.R. King said...

The sweet and sour one isn't funny yet it is funny. I guess people need to have a warped sense of humor for fortune cookies these days.
Thanks for the laughs!

Brinda said...

Ignore previous fortunes.
Never give up, unless defeat arouses the girl in accounting.
You will die along and poorly dressed.
The end is near....and it is all your fault.
Your students secretly agree that your head is too small for your body.
You are not illiterate.

Tara Tyler said...

those are great! here's a couple

look behind you, GOTCHA!
that thing you were worried about, it happened
get over youself!
see next cookie
not this one, the other one!
you're special! pass it on!

Small Town Shelly Brown said...

Yours are funny!
Here's a 10 minute attempt:

This fortune will provide a fortune (please see lucky numbers)
You were adopted
Take the napkins with you; you will need them.
Fortune Cookies were invented in San Francisco and so were you.
Sue Lang was here
The future is only as far away as the nearest Flux Capacitor

Alright, they're getting lame...LOL!

Angie Cothran said...

Emily - You're right I think I might gag if I got the sweet and sour one.

Brinda - "You are not illiterate" is spot on.

Tara - "Not this one, the other one" is how I feel every time I get a fortune in a cookie.

Shelly - LOL! Sue Lang was here. It's a fortune strait from the bathroom stall door. It works on many levels.

Abby said...

LOL ~ Oh man this is awesome. I love this post. You seriously have me cracking up. I am out of creative juices. I just can't come up with anything. I am enjoying yours too much. I do think you are right though - we definitely need to spice up the fortune cookie industry. The sayings are way too bland.

Christine Rains said...

*LOL* This is hilarious!

Tomorrow, when this dinner is leaving your body at an accelerated rate, today is going to seem pretty swell.
Cup holders are romantic. Buy one at the register.

Brinda said...

Angie- I came back to the post to read what others have submitted and realized that you asked for US to write some. Maybe I should read directions better. :) Mine weren't original. *blush*. I googled for some funny ones out there.

A.J. Mullarky said...

Haha, funny :)

Miranda Hardy said...

Very cute!

Here's mine: "You're date used to be the opposite sex." lol

Tracy Z. said...

"If you had come in yesterday, all your dreams would have come true."

I'm feeling wholly uncreative today. 8(

But these made me giggle. Thanks for the laugh.

Liz said...

Haha I love this! Have you ever opened up a cookie to find nothing inside? I have - I think that's supposed to be really bad luck.

Kim said...

I would love to see a fortune cookie that just said "In Bed."

Jaye Robin Brown said...

I've had two great ones:

One simply said "Pick another fortune cookie." I can only imagine the laughter in the fortune cookie factory.

The other needs "in bed" added to the end because it read "Behind every great man there are other great bed"

Sara Bulla said...

I see a fork in your future. :) That's all i got!

Donna K. Weaver said...

Those are hilarious (well, except for the bandaid one--eww). Many years ago I heard you can make any lame fortune cookie hilarious by adding two words: in bed

It's amazing how funny they can become.

Jillian said...

I love these! The best fortune I've received was unintentionally funny:

"Be patient! The Great Wall didn't got build in one day."

I think something got lost in translation...

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