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Tuesday, October 18, 2011

On the beach...


          He is kissing me like he always does, but there is no spark—no life on my lips.
          My mind wanders through fabricated words, searching for the perfect one to describe this moment—synbatec… wastopanner…tacise?
          No. 
          None of these words is right.
          Nothing is right.
          I close my eyes tighter and command myself to sink further into him, but all I notice is rough sand between my toes. The feelings he once stirred are gone, and I can’t bring them back.
          I taste my cherry chap stick on his lips, and I think about changing to strawberry. Maybe that would help—probably not.
          As he pulls away slowly, the sunrise is reflected in his muddy eyes—the once bright colors muted and sad.
          The odor of sun-ripened fish reaches from behind me, but he doesn’t seem to notice the smell as he strokes my cheek.
          He is speaking to me. I know he is, because I can see his lips moving, but the sound of salty waves crash around me, drowning out his words.
          But it doesn’t matter. I understand what he is asking me.
          “Yes,” I say forcing a smile. “I will marry you.”


Welcome to Rachel Harries Third Campaigner Challenge—Show notTell. How fun! Here are the rules:

Write a blog post in 300 words or less, excluding the title. The post can be in any format, whether flash fiction, non-fiction, humorous blog musings, poem, etc. The blog post should show:
·                     that it’s morning, 
·                     that a man or a woman (or both) is at the beach
·                     that the MC (main character) is bored
·                     that something stinks behind where he/she is sitting
·                     that something surprising happens.
Just for fun, see if you can involve all five senses AND include these random words: "synbatec," "wastopaneer," and "tacise."   (NB. these words are completely made up and are not intended to have any meaning other than the one you give them).

Thanks for stopping by. I'm number 24 :)

-Angie

64 comments:

Christy Farmer said...

Well done Angie. Off to vote :-)

Jen said...

This is beautiful. So well written, and I really want to know what happens next.
Mind is #25.

Sarah Pearson said...

Oh, what a sad piece. Love the kick at the end.

Cassie Mae said...

I was drawn in immediately, and it's so beautiful.

Tara Tyler said...

is that how you know? i tjot you lost the feeling AFTER you got married!
dont settle!
great job =)

Jess said...

I couldn't stop reading this once I started! Great job! Love your take on the challenge! Voting + following :)

(I'm entry #5)

Abby said...

Oh hells bells woman, say NO! Oh man - this is awesome Angie. Girl... you are a fabulous writer. No doubt about it. Got my vote! :)

Melissa Sarno said...

Oh so lovely. I feel like I'm there, at the beach with them.

Patricia T. said...

Excellent entry. Beautifully written. I wanted to yell, "say no and be true to yourself."

Sara Bulla said...

Nice! My favorite image is how she feels the sand between her toes ... in the middle of the kiss. That definitely SHOWS how she feels. :) Awesome job.

Miranda Hardy said...

Good job Angie. I can picture it nicely.

A.J. Mullarky said...

So sad. I'll go vote right now!

Carrie Butler said...

Great work, Angie! I love the way you write. :)

E.R. King said...

Awesome, Angie! I'll leave my vote.

K.T. Hanna said...

Oh, that's just sad :( Lovely style, though. A beautiful challenge piece.

Brittany said...

Love it, Angie!

Jenny S. Morris said...

Ooh, nice not so love story! Great job.

Sheri L. Swift said...

No! It cannot be! Nicely done! ; )

kmckendry said...

This was great! I was shocked at the end thought she would leave him! I'm voting for you!

Jolene Perry said...

Whoa. Angie. That was awesome!!

Alynza Smith said...

How lovely and heartbreaking at the same time! What a wonderfully written piece. Definitely gets a vote from me. :)

Mel Fowler said...

Aww man, I need to know what's preventing her from loving him back.

Lesann said...

I just wanted to shout "Don't do it!"

Deana said...

Oh snap Angie what a suprise! I loved it:)

Shallee said...

Ooh, LOVE. Makes me want to know more-- why is she saying yes? Why is she not feeling the love anymore? Lots of great character details here too. Thanks for sharing, Angie!

Kim said...

You had me at hello... or, your first line. Who can't resist to read something that starts with "He is kissing me..."? And it ended brilliantly, too. Well done :)

AveryMarsh said...

Oh, wow. Did not expect that ending. Great entry.

MISH said...

I looooove this! It's very sensual and "in-the-moment". You definitely have my vote!
(Mine is no.#47)

bridgetstraub.com said...

That's so sad. Really well written. mine is #56

Michelle Chaston said...

I want to know more! Great Job!

David Powers King said...

Excellent ending (and the picture is precious). I feel sorry for the poor guy. :)

Steph Schmidt said...

Awwww, please say she realizing the sudden buzzing noise on the beach is her alarm? Maybe?

Amazing jobs with the details because I have a sudden urge to change my chap stick flavor too.

Sarah P. said...

Congratulations! I am posting as one of the judges for the 3rd campaign challenge. You're moving into the next round. Excellent entry, I enjoyed it very much. Good luck!

S P Mount said...

Beautifully written piece that gets across what she is really thinking wonderfully and her cowardliness at speaking her mind. Unexpected indeed. Very well done, and thanks for finding mine (and following).

Ms Saba (aka Teacher007.5) said...

Oh! how sad!! :( but very vivid! Well done.

elizabethanne said...

Very well done -- but I really don't want her to marry him! She deserves having her socks knocked off, not being bored by every kiss! You did so well in drawing us in and making us care about your character in just those few words. Off to vote! (And congrats on moving into the next round!)

Jessica Therrien said...

This was so sad, but very well written. Congrats on moving to the next round. Great story!!

Fairview said...

nice job with show, not tell. i feel like I'm right there with her

rddenton said...

This was so masterfully done! A great view into an off-kilter romance where love and the inability to stand up for one's own needs aren't equal. I really enjoyed the tension the main character presented (and ignored). What a great piece!

glitterword said...

Don't settle is all I have to say to your character... I feel bad for her but mostly I feel bad for the guy. Great job!

Madeline Mora-Summonte said...

Good one, Angela! I want to know the rest of their story... :)

Candy Fite said...

Great job! What a kicker in the end!

Alyssa said...

Wow! Great job! I'm voting for you :D

Medeia Sharif said...

Awww, I'm sorry she's not feeling it with this guy...yet she says yes. I'm off to vote.

Lady Gwen said...

Now that IS a surprise ending. The chapstick changing is a stroke of genius! Wish I'd thought of that. Great job! I'm #65, returning your visit:)

mooderino said...

Very nicely done. Got the message without you having to spell it out, and great twist. Liked it.

mood
Moody Writing
@mooderino

Claire said...

What? She said Yes? Nooooo. Nice entry :)

Brinda said...

I'm screaming, "No, don't do it," into the computer screen. I guess that isn't working. :) Great job.

clarbojahn said...

Loved the unlove of this story. Poor mc. Why is she going to marry him? life is hard enough. See my entry of #91 about "Growing UP". Hope you *like* it. Thanks for your visit.

Mark said...

Aloha Angela,

Mahalo for the comments/vote, and now I've read yours, I'm heading over to return the favor!

Loved the end as I expected something less of a shock. (I'm so curious to know why she said yes... :)

thepatientdreamer.com said...

Loved it Angie, what happens next?
I'm #101, yeah late.

Joanna said...

Love, not love? You certainly provoke emotion in the reader. Great job!

Jess said...

She's marrying him even though the spark is gone? Either she loves him, or she's desperate. Great way to create questions in your reader! :)

Jennifer Young said...

That poor guys in love...can't even smell the stinky fish.

Love the ending!

You get my vote girl :)

Marcy said...

Why??? You hooked me!

E. Arroyo said...

Nice touch. Love the way you use those words. =)

Isis Rushdan said...

This drew me in from the beginning. I hope she doesn't go through with it.

natz said...

Owh. Why is she saying yes?

Maeve Frazier said...

Nice job! I could read more. I bet she calls off the wedding!

Yvie Gonya said...

This is so sad! I love it! (That sounded weird, didn't it?) Going to go vote.... :)

julie fedderson said...

This is great, I can completely see her thought process--and as terrible as it sounds, understand how it could happen. Love it!

Susan Barclay said...

Oh my, how sad to say 'yes' when your heart is saying 'no'. I'm with those who ask why she would do this. Is she pregnant? Does she feel sorry for him? etc. This could be developed into a longer story!

Jes said...

Hmmm. Note to self: if I find chapstick more interesting than my boyfriend, do not say yes to marriage. lol. Well handled :)

Rachel McClellan said...

Great piece. I've moved you on to the second round of judging. :) Woot! Woot!

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