Tuesday, December 6, 2011

The Take Back - Query

I am a gleaner, harvesting information from all those around me. I am so new and unfamiliar with the 'business' side of writing: The query, the synopsis, blogging, cover letters, etc. I have learned SO much from my critique partners as well as those of you who follow our blog and whose blogs I follow! Thank you for your gems of wisdom ... I have truly benefited.

So, can I impose upon you all once again? I know Angie threw her query out to you a while back and received some incredible feedback. I'd like to do the same, if I may. I've written a YA/Urban Fantasy novel topping off at 94,000 words. I would greatly appreciate any and all feedback!! Thank you and good luck to you all in your own writing pursuits whatever they may be! Here goes ...

Life energy can be stolen—days, months, years of life snatched with nothing more than irritated eyes to show for it. The Takers are waiting, committing the perfect crime, so they can live forever.

Seventeen-year-old Abby Crawford thought she was the only one with a secret—seeing the death of strangers and friends in her dreams. But when she flees her home town, ashamed of her ability, she discovers people who know not only of her power, but her family and destiny, too.

Will never believed the far-fetched stories about his life, but once Abby arrived, he couldn’t ignore that her gift might confirm his greatest fear: that he’s a Taker. Now their fates are bound together by Abby’s gift and Will’s dark past.

Abby and Will are all that stands between humanity and the Takers. But the Takers have a secret that could leave the world defenseless—forever.

Ta-Dah! That is the Take Back in a nutshell. Thanks to Angie and others who have already given me a lot of guidance with this. And thanks, in advance, to you who take the time to post a comment/critique. Happy Tuesday everyone!

--Sara Bulla


Madeline Mora-Summonte said...

Hey, Sara - I don't have any specific advice since I struggle mightily with my own queries. :)

I like the idea - sounds intriguing! I didn't know if you'd heard about Query Shark - I believe there's a list of successful queries on the sidebar. Also, the Bookends literary agency does query crits every Wednesday on their blog.

Cortney Pearson said...

Sounds like a fantastic idea! I love the idea of energy-stealing, and especially what seems to be a love struggle between Abby and Will and their differing powers, am I getting that right?

Here's my question: who is your protagonist, is this a dual POV story? I'm not sure what the main conflict of the story is (the last lines seem a little vague), and there was a lot going on that I had to read it several times before getting the crux of the query. If this story is told from Abby's POV, I'd leave your query to be about her and what her goal in the story is. Insert Will, of course, because I know he's essential to the story, but really let us know what Abby's main conflict is. Life energy being stolen--does that mean someone dies younger than they're meant to, so Abby and Will have to stop the Takers from basically killing everyone, except now Will is worried he might be a Taker too? Sounds like such a great story, I'd just rework things a little bit. Mary Kole's blog has some great posts on writing query letters, and she says to make her care about your character. To tell who the MC is, what her goal is, and what holds her back from reaching that goal. Good luck!

E.R. King said...

I suggest you keep your introductory paragraph to one line, your hook. Short and sweet, but nab me.
Also, it sounds as though you write the book from two MC's perspectives, but that can be confusing in a query, so I'd pick one MC. Instead of introducing Will from his own perspective, show him as Abby sees him. (For instance, when Abby arrives in Will's town she helps him discover his own secret, he's a Taker... or something like it.) This will make your query more cohesive because it will be written all in Abby's voice.
Otherwise, I think you've got a great story idea. Good luck!

Anonymous said...

I second Cortney there! Good luck!

Brooke said...

Hey--I found your post through a friend's--hope that's okay in the blogging world! I'm new to blogging, but I've always loved writing. I loved the first paragraph--it grabbed me. Good Luck! (And hope to read more!)

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