Telling Words—Part One

I struggle with editing. I have to turn off my creative brain and turn on my critical brain. But I am getting better at it. Editing my own MS and beta reading for friends has helped me learn what to look for.


So in the spirit of NaNoReviMo, which a lot of my friends are doing...this post is for you :)

I want to show and NOT tell! It’s a goal of mine and I would love to get better at it. As I edit I make lists of words or phrases that tend to give me problem. Here are 5 of the worst (at least for me):

Was

I hate this word. Sometimes its use is unavoidable, but usually we can rework it.

She was astonished. This is an obvious tell. When I come across this in my MS, I try and substitute “was” for a stronger verb and add in a little action.

She swallowed her surprise and worked to keep her face impassive. Not perfect, but you get the idea.

Seemed

This word almost always implies telling. It is usually an observation from outside POV.

He seemed angered by the news. I’m telling here. Let’s show instead.

The vein in his neck throbbed as he glared at the woman standing in front of him. “You aren’t serious?” his voice growled. A little description + a little dialogue = SHOWING.

Seemed is a huge culprit that I see in telling. Kim Karras at—Confessions of a Bibliophile wrote and excellent post on this recently.

Felt

Felt is a crutch word. We use it when we are being lazy.

She felt sick at the thought of the problem. Boo—terrible, right?

“We won’t make it in time.” The worry curdled in her stomach, and she fought the urge to vomit. When you show and not tell, you can feel how your character feels.

Realized

Sometimes realized is okay. But when it is used to explain how a character came to a conclusion—it’s telling.

He stepped on the soggy carpet and realized the toilet had over flowed again. There are two problems here. First you are telling us the carpet is soggy before the MC realizes it. Second you are telling us what he realized.

He stepped into the room and the carpet squelched under his feet. What the…? He stared at his soggy socks. Really…the toilet’s over flowed again? I bolded the internalization so you can see it. Show the MC reacting to his environment and show his actual realization.

Noticed or Could See

By default everything your character describes is something she sees. You rarely need to tell us this.

She could see the sun breaking the horizon. Instead of this show us what she sees.

The sun broke the horizon, spilling golden light on the treetops. Because your MC is the POV they don’t even need to be the subject. This tell is easy to fix.

I have other words on my “Telling” List. After NaNoWriMo is over I will post more—just in time for edits :)

-Angie  


Side note: On Monday Agent Vickie Motter held a mini contest for writing advice on her blog, so I left her a comment. I'm always full of random "writerly" thoughts, and I won :) How fun is that? Check it out here. My advice: Twists aren't just for the end of the story. Use them from the beginning so readers never know what to expect.