Crafting Corner—Meanings

Who doesn’t love Princess Bride? The Romance. The Action. The Humor.

Here’s a gem:

Vizzini: He didn’t fall? INCONCIEVABLE!

Inigo Montoya: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Here is another gem I learned from my writing conference:

When choosing your words be aware of their connotation and denotation.

Denotation: Dictionary definition of a word.

Connotation: Emotional associations of a word.

In an editing class I took we talked about this, and how important it is to choose words that truly say what they want them to say.

I’ll give you an example from my own MS:

“Zven is a hard man, I want to know how hard.”

I big thanks to Cassie and her dirty mind for convincing me to change hard to cruel :) LOL!

This is something I’d never thought to look for, but it is so true. You can’t just hit the thesaurus when you need a new word for walked, because march means something different than stroll, and stride and roam are actually opposites.

What about you? Are you aware of the secondary meanings of words? What was your worst blunder?

-Angie

Crafting Corner—I’m seeing RED

I’m an over-writer (is that a term? It is now). My MS is too long (91K) and on this editing pass I’m cutting words—a lot of words. My goal is to cut 10K from my story. So out comes the red pen and a plan.

If I cut 25 words per page, by the time I get to the end it will have cut 10K. Now 25 words per page seems easy to me and it won’t really change my story. It will just make it tighter.

Let me give you a real life example. I edited this just last night. So straight from my MS, this is section is 80 words…

Once inside, Breck slumped into one of the kitchen chairs. He started to bring his half empty bottle to his lips and Taggert snatched it away. Breck didn’t notice until his hand met his face.

“I think you’ve drunk enough,” Taggert said. “We’ll put this over here, for later.”

“You take such good care of me,” Breck said, smiling. “He…he…saved my life you know,” he said slurring toward Jocelyn. His head hit the table top and he was out—asleep.

Now the edit :)

            Once inside, Breck slumped into one of  the kitchen chairs. He started to bring  brought thehis half empty bottle to his lips and Taggert snatched it away. Breck didn’t notice until his hand met his face.

“I think you’ve drunk enough,” Taggert said. “We’ll save put this over here, for later.”

“You take such good care of me,” Breck slurredsaid, smiling. “Tag…Tag…saved my life you know.,” he said slurring toward Jocelyn. His head hit the table top and he was out—asleep.

Right there I just cut 13 words and didn’t really change the intent of my paragraph, 12 more and I’ve hit my goal. I think it makes everything a little tighter.

I guess my advice for today is—If you need to cut a large amount of words take it slow and take it page by page.

Do you have any tips for cutting words?

-Angie

Lessons in Storytelling: Hold the filler please!

Do you ever watch those disturbing documentaries where they tell you all the crazy stuff put into hamburger meat? Ammonia. Bones. All the stuff that fell on the slaughter house floor (in the meat industry they call it “pink slime”—I’m not joking).  Sorry, I just ruined your trip to McDonalds today :)

All this filler is added to bulk up ground beef so they don’t need to have as much real meat. Crazy, right? Now follow my train of thought, because I do have a literary point.

I’ve had a new book on my shelf since November. It’s the end in a very popular series. I enjoyed the first few books, and I’ve been waiting a long time for the last one to come out. But now that I’m reading it I realize—IT’S MOSTLY FILLER!

I’m 230 pages in and nothing substantial has happened—NOTHING! Oh, there’s been a little conflict and a few of cool things, but that stuff could’ve been done in 50 pages, MAX! (Can you tell by the all caps I’m disgusted? I AM!)

Here are a few thoughts about filler. Keep them in mind when you are editing.

• If you think it might be filler—IT IS.
• If it doesn’t raise the stakes, move the story forward, or up the tension—IT’S FILLER
• If you cut it and it doesn’t really change your story—“PINK SLIME”
• Cut it and see how it reads. You can always put it back—CUT, CUT, CUT!
• Just because you think it is cool, doesn’t mean it is—Words to live by Yanni :) 

Because I’m determined to learn something, I will finish this stinking book. Wish me luck. I’ve 630 pages of “pink slime” to go!

-Angie

DO NOT Google “hamburger pink slime.” It’s disturbing. Oh, and just as a reminder next week is the I'm Hearing Voices Blogfest. If you haven't done it yet there's still time to sign up :)

Tight-Wad Tuesdays

I've always been fond of Tuesdays. Where I grew up there was a cheap theater where movies cost $2.00. But on Tight-Wad Tuesday, as they called it, movies only cost one. :)

Well, today being Tuesday, I thought I'd visit the idea of economy of words, rather than money. During my high school years, my primary literary focus was on poetry. I loved it. It taught me to whittle down my thoughts and words to the bare bones. And I can still remember my teacher saying, "Show, don't tell!" and cluttering my papers with red penned circles and the words, "omit" written off to the side.

Here's a sampling of two of my poems, which I wrote at the tender age of fifteen, both assigned to 'show' silence.

Glitter

I sit in the cool

dark of our old barn,

and watch the dust

move like glitter

through the sun--

shining between

torn shingles Dad

always meant to fix.

Red Rooster

I rushed in late --

my hands aching from

the sudden warmth.

"I put all the hay in that

far corner, Sir -- just the

way you wanted."

My breath echoed.

I sat next to my

mother at the

other end of our table

and stared at the

red rooster on the

kitchen wallpaper.

I remember draft after draft of these poems, all with the same critique to the side. "Show don't tell!" "Omit!" "Bad Word Choice!" These poems are fragments compared to the first drafts--but even now, after all these years, I see where I can trim even more. Or perhaps insert a more powerful word choice.

Although I haven't written much poetry lately, the same rules apply to our WIP's as we embark on edits, and re-edits and more edits. Word economy, and making sure each word counts is a valuable and vital skill. Writer Janice Hardy, showcased this principle by trimming down a page of her published book (which had already undergone several edits) and omitting needless words. It's awesome, check it out!

I'll leave you now with a word from Shakespeare:

"Therefore, if brevity is the soul of wit, and tediousness the limbs and outward flourishes, I will be brief"

--Hamlet

Happy Tight-Wad Tuesday Everyone and if you're in the throws of editing - Good Luck!!

-Sara

Telling Words—Part One

I struggle with editing. I have to turn off my creative brain and turn on my critical brain. But I am getting better at it. Editing my own MS and beta reading for friends has helped me learn what to look for.


So in the spirit of NaNoReviMo, which a lot of my friends are doing...this post is for you :)

I want to show and NOT tell! It’s a goal of mine and I would love to get better at it. As I edit I make lists of words or phrases that tend to give me problem. Here are 5 of the worst (at least for me):

Was

I hate this word. Sometimes its use is unavoidable, but usually we can rework it.

She was astonished. This is an obvious tell. When I come across this in my MS, I try and substitute “was” for a stronger verb and add in a little action.

She swallowed her surprise and worked to keep her face impassive. Not perfect, but you get the idea.

Seemed

This word almost always implies telling. It is usually an observation from outside POV.

He seemed angered by the news. I’m telling here. Let’s show instead.

The vein in his neck throbbed as he glared at the woman standing in front of him. “You aren’t serious?” his voice growled. A little description + a little dialogue = SHOWING.

Seemed is a huge culprit that I see in telling. Kim Karras at—Confessions of a Bibliophile wrote and excellent post on this recently.

Felt

Felt is a crutch word. We use it when we are being lazy.

She felt sick at the thought of the problem. Boo—terrible, right?

“We won’t make it in time.” The worry curdled in her stomach, and she fought the urge to vomit. When you show and not tell, you can feel how your character feels.

Realized

Sometimes realized is okay. But when it is used to explain how a character came to a conclusion—it’s telling.

He stepped on the soggy carpet and realized the toilet had over flowed again. There are two problems here. First you are telling us the carpet is soggy before the MC realizes it. Second you are telling us what he realized.

He stepped into the room and the carpet squelched under his feet. What the…? He stared at his soggy socks. Really…the toilet’s over flowed again? I bolded the internalization so you can see it. Show the MC reacting to his environment and show his actual realization.

Noticed or Could See

By default everything your character describes is something she sees. You rarely need to tell us this.

She could see the sun breaking the horizon. Instead of this show us what she sees.

The sun broke the horizon, spilling golden light on the treetops. Because your MC is the POV they don’t even need to be the subject. This tell is easy to fix.

I have other words on my “Telling” List. After NaNoWriMo is over I will post more—just in time for edits :)

-Angie  


Side note: On Monday Agent Vickie Motter held a mini contest for writing advice on her blog, so I left her a comment. I'm always full of random "writerly" thoughts, and I won :) How fun is that? Check it out here. My advice: Twists aren't just for the end of the story. Use them from the beginning so readers never know what to expect.

Taking the plunge!

Here I stand with my toes curled over the edge of the diving board (they aren't that hairy in real life). I feel the anti-slip adhesive gripping the soles of my feet, but I’m pretty sure it can’t save me once I decide to jump. I can think of no reason to postpone but—FEAR!

It took me four years to write my MS. One year to edit it. Six months to research agents. And another six months to write a query and a synopsis. (Some of that time overlaps—so it is 5 years total. Holy Cow!)

But it is time! I can think of no reason to postpone querying but—FEAR! So today I’m hitting the first send button. I know it will be painful and hopefully rewarding, but if I don’t succeed yet at least I will learn something :)

This is how I wish I looked while querying.

This is more how I actually look :)

I hope I don’t do this.

I wish I felt like this.

But I feel more like this.

If I could execute like this…I would be a happy diver!

Please say a pray for me—whether you believe in that kind of thing or not :)

-Angie

Magnifying Glass Writing

My Sister-in-law is a proof reader and a fantastic one at that. I've just handed her a copy of what I think just might be...drum roll please... the final draft of my book. Aughhh! In celebration of this moment, I cleaned my house, organized my desk, folded clothes and even cleaned out my children's closets! In short, I did all the things that I've put off for the last four months of my life while writing and re-writing and re-writing my book.

Now, to say that it's finished is only to say that I think all the raw, rough content is there and in place. I've, hopefully, filled the plot holes, fleshed out the weak characters, and corrected all or most of the pacing issues. But now, I begin the Magnifying Glass Writing. I'm line editing, analyzing every sentence, every punctuation, asking myself if it contributes to the feeling I'm trying to get across, or does it side track my plot?

This quote by Oscar Wilde both sums up the last three days of my life and accurately predicts the foreseeable future I'm afraid.

"I have spent most of the day putting in a comma and the rest of the day taking it out."

I'm not a detail oriented person. In response to Angie's post a few days ago, 'The Elephant in the room', I'm a screener- one who looks past and through and around all the clutter and still manages to function--barely. Molly Weasley would feel very much at home in my office.

This summer, I've been dedicated to finishing my book, The Take Back. And I admit that while I LOVE the idea of writing in a clean, orderly room, with my desk clear and and free of scraps of paper and sticky notes. I have been writing around piles of clean clothes, and dirty clothes and sippy cups and dolls and shoes and books and remotes and tissues and socks (I'm just looking at my desk, taking inventory! Seriously, I am.).

I've looked past the clutter and managed to finish my book. Now, as I plunge into what Angie has called the micro-editing stage, I'm a little nervous. For one who somehow didn't mind scattered letters, dvd's and crayons spilling off of her desk...am I really equipped to take a magnifying glass to my work; to look at tag lines, punctuation, etc? I'm not going to lie, I'm nervous and grateful, yet again, for Angie, Amy, my sister-in-law, and all those who have offered to read my book. Thanks to all of them, for their eagle eye comments and critique.

I'm not just saying this to be kind, but I really couldn't do it without you. Without proof readers, and detail oriented non-screeners, my WIP would look like my desk does right now. Thank you!

Sara

Editing Celebration

Hip Hip Hooray! I finished line editing my 92,823 word MS!!!!! I’ve been working on it for six months. It takes a long time to go through that many words.

I don’t really know what to do with myself now. I guess I should start working on the next WIP, but I want to take a little break and CELEBRATE!

So while editing is on my brain this is how I edit.

1. Macro Edits—Plot Holes, Set Pieces, Beginnings, Endings
2. Mid Edits—Pacing, Flow, Dialogue, Characterization, Themes, Symbolism
3. Micro Edits—Punctuation, Adverbs, Tags, A close look at every—single—word.

How do you approach editing? I would love to know. Got any great tips?

-Angie

Gotta love Kool and the Gang :) And their bright white shoes!

Word Whirlpool

So, I've fallen and I can't seem to get up. I've been cranking out my latest re-write to my critique partners and I find myself falling into a bit of a Word Whirlpool, if you will. Just a couple of days ago, I thought, 'I'll have my main character wink at this girl.' It was perfect. Just the right amount of heart pounding, tension building flirtation. Then two chapters later, I thought, 'It would be awesome if this bad guy gave a wink to the girl. Because that just cements his super creepiness.' Right? So, I inserted a 'wink' scene there as well. A chapter later, two of my characters shared an inside joke and before I finished writing the paragraph--voila, there was another wink.

Am I the only one that does this?

I call it the word or phrase whirlpool and it's just as annoying as getting two lines of a song (usually the only two lines that I know) stuck in your head. It rotates through your mind over and over again; surfacing while your in line at the grocery store, or watching Dora the Explorer with your daughter or Googling something on the computer. You start humming and then the two lines pop in your head and whoosh! You're in the whirlpool.

With my writing, I discover or create something really great: an idea, a description, a word...and then I cannot get it out of my head. Before I know it I am using the same word or phrase to describe a cascade of water, a ray of sunshine trickling through the open window, as well as my main characters hair falling on her shoulders--all within a few chapters. I don't care how brilliant the word is...three times in a row is too much!

Apologies to Angie and Amy who are no doubt tripping over all of my 'winking scenes'! I know that re-writes and line edits are in my future, but any other suggestions?

Sara

Little Black Book

"Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all sentences short or avoid all detail and treat subjects only in outline, but that every word tell."

--William Strunk Jr.

Brilliant! I love this quote and what it shows us of brevity and concise language. As my two critiquing partners can testify, this is not my strong suit, nor is grammar, punctuation or a myriad of other essentials. But they are just that, essentials of the English language and of good writing.

A friend of mine recently gave me a copy of Strunk and White's 'The Elements of Style'. If you don't have one of these gems or if it has been collecting dust on your shelf - grab it and crack it open. There is a wealth of knowledge in this tiny book. Allow me to give you a few examples:

Rule #19. Do not take shortcuts at the cost of clarity

Rule # 8. Avoid the use of qualifiers (Rather, very, little, pretty). Strunk refers to these as 'the leeches that infest the pond of prose, sucking the blood of words.' Love it.

Rule #4. Write with Nouns and Verbs

Rule # 17. Omit unnecessary words. This rule inspired the above essay.

There is a list of misused words and phrases such as:

Disinterested, not to be confused with uninterested

Each and every one

In terms of; Of this phrase, Strunk says it is a 'piece of padding usually best omitted'.

The book also touches on the principles of composition, fundamental rules of grammar and usage and contains a glossary of terms. The icing on the cake is that this book is an enjoyable read, full of sound advice and clear cut directives. I love it. My recommendation? Do not walk but run to your nearest book shop and purchase this little black book, you won't regret it.

Sara

Wrangling problem paragraphs

I told Sara that trying to wrangle an unruly paragraph is exactly like herding cats—you want it to go in a certain direction and it wants to go in another. Right now I have a problem paragraph that refuses to let me control it.

So what should I do? Let it sit for a day or two? Keep forcing it? Resort to violence if necessary? These are the steps I use to try and control wild paragraphs.

• Does it do what I want it to?
• Is there sloppy language?
• Is it confusing to readers? Why?
• Does it make sense in context to the scene?
• Is there a better way to say what I want to say?

If the answer to the last question is yes, then I try a rewrite. If the rewrite is better I may use it or try and merge it with the problem paragraph. But sometimes you have to cut it altogether—drive all the cats off a cliff and start over with dogs—so to speak J.

-Angie

Punctuation and Pacing

I took a great class at my last conference. It was on Pacing and taught by Josi Kilpack. She said a lot of great things but my favorite was about how punctuation can affect the pacing of our stories.

I hadn’t really thought about it in the cool way she put it:

Think of punctuation as road signs signaling your readers what you want them to do:

• Period (.) – Full stop.
• Comma (,) – Pause, or slow break.
• Ellipsis (…) – Pause, or rubbernecking at an accident.
• Semicolon (;) – Longer pause, or a rolling stop.
• Exclamation (!) – STOP. Yelled stop (That could get annoying fast, use in moderation)
• Question Mark (?) – Pause + prod to do something, or sharp turn.
• Em Dash (—) – Pause + look aside, like slowing to read a billboard.

I am a sucker for a metaphor. Thanks Josi. I won’t think of punctuation the same again.

-Angie

Set Pieces

Last month I read a book called: PLOT by Ansen Dibell. It was fascinating. I learned so much. I marked it up with so many highlighted sections. If you have a chance to read it DO!

One of the most useful things I learned was how to use SET PIECES in your writing.

SET PIECES are big moments in your story. Almost like mini-plots within your main plot. They move your main plot along.

Stories should: build, build, build to a set piece, resolve and leave a question that makes the reader want to continue. This should repeat multiple times

in a story until the final resolution. I will try to use an example that everyone should know:

HARRY POTTER AND THE SORCERER’S STONE

Start: Harry is left as a baby.

Build

Build.

Set Piece: Harry finds out he is a wizard.

Resolution: He gets to leave the Dursleys

Question: What does he do now? Why is he famous?

Build.

Build.

Build.

Set Piece: Sorting ceremony.

Resolution: He is put in Gryffindor

Question: Why not Slytherin?

Build

Build

Build

Set Piece: Harry finds out about the Sorcerer’s Stone

Resolution: Harry’s friendship with Ron and Hermione is solidified.

Question: How do they save the stone?

Build

Build

Set Piece: Voldemort is looking for the stone too.

Resolution: Dumbledore will protect the stone.

Question: How can Harry help?

Build.

Build.

Set Piece: Harry, Ron, and Hermione go after the stone.

Final Resolution: Harry saves the stone and his friends.

This is extremely simplified. You can have many SET PIECES in your book. They are a great way to move your plot along and keep your story from sagging in the middle.

Obviously during the building parts you layer in your characters, world building, sub-plots, back story, and motivations.

Learning about Set Pieces made me understand how better to construct my story. Again if you want to learn a ton read: PLOT by Ansen Dibell.

Happy Writing J

-Angie

Red Flag Words

I'm deep into line edits for my manuscript. Slowly going word by word through 93,000 words. It makes me a little crazy. Just like in yesterdays post, I found a lot of help on Janice Hardy's blog.

Some words tend to be redundant, telling, passive and inactive. These are the words that give me the most trouble:

That

Very

Almost

Really

Even

Since

Although

Thought

Since

Over

Down

Was, were

Have, had, has

Will be

Been

Felt

Janice Hardy has two great posts about this: Spit shine (for a complete list) and Send up the (red) flag.

Good luck with your edits :)

Angie

Show and Tell

This isn't quite as fun as seeing your friends pet lizard or hearing about a trip to Hawaii, like we all did in first grade--but almost :)

This post is about the millstone the hangs from the neck of all writers--show DON"T tell. I am constantly learning how to make my work show and not tell. Janice Hardy-author of THE SHIFTER, BLUE FIRE, and DARKFALL - has a great blog about everything writing related. She does a regular post called: Real-Life Diagnostic. Authors can email her 250 words and ask her a question. She will look over your work and post it and her comments on her blog. It is a great way to learn.

Last month she posted a section of my work. I asked her specifically about Showing vs Telling. I learned so much from her critique. Here is the original post if you want to see what she said. But below I have added both the original and revised 250 words. See if you notice the changes. I think the revision does a much better job of getting you into my main characters head.

Just a bit of background. This is the third time these characters meet. They don't have a relationship yet, but they aren't strangers.

-Angie

ORIGINAL

Taggert’s eyes made contact with hers as he walked forward. Other girls tried to capture his attention as he passed by, but he never took his eyes off Jocelyn. She felt frozen, like a leaf trapped by frost that lost its ability to stir in the wind, and whether by panic or fascination she didn’t know. Her feet wouldn’t move and she remained unable to pull her eyes from his. Her heart beat faster with each approaching step. She was completely unable to prevent her physical reaction to him no matter how badly she tried. Jocelyn became irritated with herself. Why couldn’t she ignore him like she did so many other men? His approach seemed unreasonably slow and when he finally reached her, she knew her heart couldn’t beat any swifter.

“Did you enjoy the matches?” his tone disarmingly casual.

“Yes, they were entertaining,” she managed, praying she sounded nonchalant and feeling anything but.

He finally broke eye contact and turned to look at the arena, now filled with boys and their sticks engaged in their own mini battles.

“I’ve noticed,” he began, “these little events sometimes develop…unusual consequences.” He turned and watched her, measuring her reaction.

“I’m not sure I understand,” she answered genuinely confused.

His brown eyes twinkled, and she noticed for the first time the little creases in the corner of his eyes. She immediately liked them.

REVISED

Taggert’s gaze made contact with Jocelyn’s as he walked toward her.

Is he coming over to me? She casually looked side to side, the girls he passed tried to capture his attention, but he never took his eyes off Jocelyn. She felt frozen and whether by panic or fascination she couldn’t quite tell. Her feet wouldn’t move and she couldn’t pull her eyes from his.

Stop it. Stop it. She scolded her racing heart. She breathed deeply then pushed the breath out slowly, but her heart still sped. Well that didn’t help. She scowled, irritated with her physical reaction. He is just walking, ignore him. Focus on something else. But she couldn’t focus on anything but his unreasonably slow approach. When he finally reached her, her heart was galloping.

“Did you enjoy the matches?” he asked his tone disarmingly casual.

“Yes, they were entertaining,” she said, praying she sounded nonchalant—feeling anything but.

He broke eye contact and turned looking at the arena, now filled with boys and their sticks engaged in their own mini battles.

“I’ve noticed,” he said, “these little events sometimes develop…unusual consequences.” He cocked one eyebrow and smiled.

“I’m not sure I understand,” she answered confused.

His brown eyes twinkled, and she noticed the little creases in the corner of his eyes. She immediately liked them. Oh, you are going to be trouble for me.

Adverbs are the Devil?

I'm quickly learning that adverbs are the bane of writers. I've heard no-so-quiet rumblings that adverbs are to be avoided at almost all costs. I didn't believe it. How can, roboticly, cautiously, tenderly, violently, be sooo bad? I love them.

But I've learned at conferences, books, and in my online wanderings that adverbs can be a sign of weak, immature, lazy writing. Suddenly I have to look at my work differently?

Okay I get the idea that a strong verb is better than a week verb + an adverb. Example:

The crowd cheered loudly...

The crowd exploded...

I get that. I do. But where I get confused is:

If you want keep your writing concise aren't adverbs useful? Isn't it tighter to say, "She slipped silently into the hungry darkness." As opposed to, "With faint footfall, alerting no one, she slipped into the hungry darkness." Maybe the second is better? I don't know.

Side note: I'm currently reading a book littered with adverbs...and I really like it...the book and the adverbs :)