Here is the first challenge for Rachael Harrie’s Platform Builders Campaign: Write a piece of Flash Fiction 200 words or less, starting with the words, “The door swung open” and ending with the words, “the door swung shut.”
Here is my contribution. It is based on a real conversation my kids had when they thought I wasn’t listening :) Oh, and I am #116 on the list.
Aliens
The door swung open and Mom stuck her head out. “You two have five minutes before dinner.”
My Mom is always saying things like that, but I don’t have a watch so I don’t know how long five minutes is.
“Okay Mom,” my big brother Cole says.
Cole is eight. He doesn’t need a watch.
“Come help me, Mia,” he says and I skip to him.
We are hunting for aliens.
“How will we find aliens?” I ask.
“We set a trap,” Cole says smiling his big teeth at me.
“How?”
“I asked Luke where all the suspicious stuff from space goes—like aliens. And he said…Mexico.”
My brother Luke is twelve. He knows about stuff like this.
“So what do we do?” I sit by Cole and he picks up sidewalk chalk.
“I’m going to draw Mexico on the driveway, and when the aliens see it they will come and we will trap them.”
“Good plan.”
Cole draws Mexico in green chalk. It looks like a bumpy cucumber.
We wait. Forever. So far—no aliens.
Cole frowns. “We must need to wait for dark.”
He is so smart.
“Five minutes are up,” Mom yelled as the door swung shut.
48 comments:
My son told me once that if you eat paint you will become an alien. Just in case the Mexico picture doesn't work! This was very cute, I can see big brother dazzling little sis with this knowledge.
HA HA! That was too cute. *runs off to draw on her driveway*
LOL! Loved that. so darn cute.
Julie - Paint? I need to tell my kids.
AA - Tell me if it works :)
Christine - Thanks :)
I love how this perfectly captures the wonder of being a child! Excellent job, Angie! (I definitely liked it! Hopefully the linkey thing is cooperating. :D)
This is classic! I've spent the weekend with my nieces and nephews and this completely captures them!
This was really cute! Good job. Love the humour.
The dialog seems real and believable. I was drawn into the characters and didn't notice that their imagination was really the author's.
Danyelle - Thanks :)
Meradeth - Aren't kids perfectly crazy.
Trisha - I'm glad you liked it :)
Gary - That is the nicest complement. Thank you :)
Awh bless that is so cute!
This is so cute and light. It's amazing how different the stories are in this challenge. Good luck.
So that's how I get the aliens! Draw a map on my driveway. Note: get driveway. (I live in a city) This is so cute. I love that your kids had a similar conversation.
careful what you wish for, kiddies!
great opening for an mg adventure!
I love the conversations of kids this age and this is authentic. :) I felt like I was right there outside with them. Great job!!
How fun! Kids are funny and I can totally see kids doing this. So cute.
Madeleine - Thanks :)
Miranda - I'm amazed by the different stories too.
Melissa - Now you know the trick :)
Tara - That would be a fun opening.
Brinda - I love how kids minds work.
Abby - Kids make for great fiction.
Cute and light. Kids are so funny. I wish I could write them like you can! :)
I just wanted to congratulate you as you have been picked by me to be fast-tracked to the next round of judging!
Good luck=)
Lovely, ha ha, brings back memories of a time when anything was possible and time was irrelevant
Love it! Makes me want to walk around with a notebook to catch those crazy things my kids say.
Chantele - You are so nice to me.
Kathleen - Thanks so much! I didn't know there was a next round :)
Claire - Oh to be a kid again.
Melodie - I actually do that :)
This is SO cute! Great take on the challenge :)
I just adore your piece! Listening to kids provides great fodder for writing! I have three boys, and the things I've heard...Well, just know that I'm not surprised at how funny your entry is! ~ Nadja
Raelyn - Thanks :)
Nadja - Aww, thanks for the compliment!
I have two sons, and the youngest looks up to my oldest with the same awe and respect. Very well done, my dear!
What a fun entry. It made me smile even though weary in the middle of a long work day, Roland
That's delightful! "He's so smart."
I like this. I could totaly picture it. mine is #72
Emily - Thanks :) Aren't kids an endless supply of material?
Roland - That makes me smile :)
Donna - He sure thinks he is.
Bridget - Thanks :)
So cute! The fact that this is a real conversation makes it all the better:) The five minutes part made me laugh. I am always telling my kids that like they know when that will be.
Angie, I love it! The thought paths of children are fascinating and often very amusing:)
Ha ha! So cute! I just love how kids think and you captured it well! :D
Deana - A little touch of reality makes the best fiction.
Ruth - So true. I wish I could live a day in my kids minds...just to see what it is like :)
Katie - Thanks :)
I hadn't read an entry like this one. Interesting stuff :)
I love this! It sounds exactly like something from a younger kid, and it cracked me up. The fact that it's true makes it that much greater.
So that's what they talk about when we're not around... very cute.
Kim Karras
Kelly - Thanks :)
Jenna - Truth IS crazier than fiction!
Kim - I always wondered if they were plotting world domination?
Haha I love this! So cute!
Ha! That's really cute!! :D
I love their perception of time.
Made me smile :) I loved the "bumpy cucumber" description too!
Hehe. Such a fun and funny entry. You captured the voice so perfectly.
Sweet! Different! Nice to see a piece of CNF amid the challenge.
This is so cute. I can picture my son using this same type of logic.
Sooo cute!
This is adorable! Thanks for sharing.
I am so doing this with the grandkids! So cute and very creative!
I enjoyed this. The dialogue is spot on!
Stobby
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